My son is a smart, loving, busy little bee. He is six and in kindergarten at an independent school. Having made that last statement, I am sure you are not suprised to know the philosophy is little to no homework at this grade level. But, with me as his mom, and a third grade sister to keep up with, my son is generally amenable to the creative homework suggestions he gets at home.
After a little coaxing one afternoon, I got him to dig deep in his backpack for something to do. We got past the half eaten sandwich and brought up a computer story board he created in class. It had a coloring book opportunity of sorts, along with a story line. This particular story was about a boy getting ready to go out and play in the snow with his friends at recess.
Out came the resident box of crayons, markers, and colored pencils, and we had ourselves a homework assignment! My son was excited and asked me to choose a favorite color for a scarf and gloves. ”Blue or red?”, he asked. I chose red.
He went on to consider the colors for the class rug, which was to look just like the rug in his own classroom. Out came yellow, blue, orange, green, etc. Colors were bursting all over the place.
Now, it was time to give some life to the teachers and students that were in the story. I suggested beige, tan, brown, and peach colors. He was absolutely stunned that I would suggest such colors. “Mom, I want the picture to look just like my class.” Of course, I encouraged him to make the class look as he would like it to be, you know, a sort of world view flavor. But, he was determined to color what he saw. I was somewhat appreciative of the level of comfort he had in his own reality. My friends, I think we should all Facebook Crayola and ask that they be inclusive and have their custom skin tone box of crayons added to the box of 64! Because, unfortunately my son left every single face, paper white in this otherwise colorful coloring book.
Although I was happy that he seemed unaffected by the lack of diversity in his class, I am not sure that I was that comfortable with the reality. I am quite aware that I wholeheartedly made the choice to place both of my children in an environment of great privilege. But the verdict is still out on the impact it will have on them, on me. So, where did that teachable moment go with the homework assignment? Lost forever to his educational environment? Was my quest for the best educational experience negating who he was and our ever growing diverse and global community? Does he equate excellence with being white? Does he see excellence in himself? Did I do the right thing choosing an independent school? Am I doing enough in his school to create a different environment? Or, should I just get back to work?
The education, the experience, the opportunities are so privileged that separate and unequal still echoes when you compare our culturally and socially monolithic independent schools to many of our better public schools.
Since my family chose, and continues to choose an independent school education, we will keep coloring. Will you join us?
SPOTLIGHT Hilary North Director of Diversity @ Calhoun School
4 Comments
You are a fantastic blogger!
My daughter (10, white father, Dominican mother) tried out the afffinity group for students of color at our school today. Beforehand, she was standing next to a caucasion girl in her class and mentioned that she would not be in line for the bus as she was attending SOCs. The friend, I am sure innocently, replied, “But you’re not black.” My daughter, impressively, was ready with her response: She replied that she is half Dominican and furthermore another 4th grader in the same school but different class, known to this friend, is Latina, not black, and a well-known participant in the affinity group, which my daughter’s classmate knew about.
This little story makes me think about what might be going on here. I thinks when students aggregate based on a sense of identity, as opposed to say, a hobby like singing, it looks and feels more like a family, and thus those outside the family are prone to feel a sense of envy, of wanting to belong, too. My first thought was that for my daughter’s friend, it is preferable to think of the students of color affinity group to “just” be about black kids, since to acknowledge that it is comprised essentially of a wide variety of non-caucasion racial and ethnic minority students tends to reverse the traditional minority/majority roles. That is, we have one group (caucasion) over here (albeit larger in numbers), and several groups over here.
I can relate to this. When I have attended events, such as the “Prep School Negro” screening, where I was one of only a few white men in attendance, I sometimes have had mixed feelings. Sometimes I get extra attention for being different, other times I feel irrelevant and ignored. I value these experiences since I can step outside myself and imagine what others in similar situations feel like. It is more difficult for the caucasion students, I think, to know what to make of the students of color affinity groups.
I do think it is in all of our interests to continue to think of creative ways to win the support of the not just the administrations, teachers, and parents, but also of the non-S.O.C. kids for the purpose and mission of the students of color affinity groups. This is because success of the such groups would see increased minority admissions and group participation, and increased visibility. It is healthy and adaptive for our caucasion children to have a positive and affirming attitude toward this process, and it is our job to assist them in that process. I know my own chosen ethical system includes a value of being a “an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression.” I do not know if there is anything in the NAIS mission statement that is parallel, but it may be worth digging it up or creating such a mission statement plank, since for good reason everything we do in the public realm must be consistent with the mission of the school….
I read this starting post and I really felt your dilemma. For me, I think this means that your son is a pioneer. You will make sure he has the benefit of the persective he needs. He will be influenced in many ways. I had the same thought the other day with my 10-year-old daughter: Now that she is in this school, how do we counteract the impression that her classroom of all white girls (and boys!) is “normal.” Luckily she has other activities that expose her to the rest of the world. I think that in the meantime, while we are awaiting the arrival of the called-for diversity reinforcements, we just have to hang in there and hold our own. I am a white man but my world for so long has been of color that I no longer feel at home in “just white” society. I believe in the future there will be more and more people like myself who will live and insist upon inclusivity.
In a discussion with my Mom a while back about my feelings about boarding school, my Mom made a valid point. “What the children come home to is what makes all the difference.” I must agree that this is true for day school children as well. I believe that our children can have a strong sense of self, pride in who they are, and comfort in their school environment all at the same time, even as the “minority.” As they grow, straight talk with them about why we chose their school over others, what it means to them and their future, and social contexts that make their presence there an anomaly, is necessary to keeping our kids grounded. That has been my approach. My second grader understands that his education and experiences that are a result of his independent school experience, make him no better than someone else. Thus he understands that his peers are no better either. I think instilling and modeling values in character will help to buffer some of the issues we could see our children face as a result of being in an environment of privilege. Position, Money, Access, only matter if we are using it to help others as well. I am hoping this “Keepin’ it Real/ Money doesn’t make you a better or happier person” approach works. We shall see.
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