Confidence, Pride & Discernment: A Parent Toolkit for the School Year
Five ways to help your scholar belong, excel, and remain authentically themselves.
A new school year brings new opportunities—and new questions. Will I belong? Will I be challenged? Can I be myself and still succeed here?
When Black and Brown scholars in independent schools have to focus on academic excellence and belonging, it can feel like working overtime. How can families help? Trying to build their confidence, affirm identity, and teach scholars to make thoughtful choices is a great start.
A note for parents: Let these practices grow with your child. For younger scholars, confidence, pride, and discernment can be built through everyday conversations, play, and guidance. As our young scholars mature, they can take a more active role in reflecting, making choices, and advocating for themselves.
Here are five ways to begin.
1. Build confidence from evidence.
“Believe in yourself” matters. Helping your child recognize why they can believe in themselves matters more.
Ask them to name something difficult they handled and what helped them succeed. For younger children, this might be learning a new skill, trying again after frustration, or making a new friend.
Try asking: “What did you do that helped you grow?”
Confidence grows when scholars recognize their own effort, preparation, and progress.
2. Make Cultural pride an everyday practice.
Our scholars should not have to wait for a cultural celebration to feel proud of who they are.
t is important to acknowledge our stories, traditions, and the people who have shaped them. It will benefit our scholars to share those parts of themselves without feeling responsible for representing an entire community.
Try asking: “What is something about our family or community that you want to carry with you this year?”
Cultural pride begins with knowing your identity is already a source of value.
3. Teach discernment—in opportunities and social settings.
Not every opportunity, invitation, or social group is the right fit. Help your scholar consider whether a choice aligns with their interests, values, and well-being.
For younger scholars, this may mean learning to choose kind friends, recognize when play feels uncomfortable, and seek help from a trusted adult. Older scholars can begin to consider whether a group respects their values and allows them to be themselves.
Try asking: “Does this help you grow?” and “How do you feel about yourself when you spend time with this group?”
Belonging does not require participation in every space. Choosing where to invest time, energy, and relationships is a form of agency.
4. Practice advocacy before there is a problem.
Identify opportunities for your family to be seen and heard by schools.
Advocacy begins with helping children express what they need. Younger scholars may need a parent to model the words, speak with a teacher, or help them ask for support. As scholars grow and develop, encourage them to ask questions, seek clarification, and participate more actively in conversations about their education and school community.
Try asking: “What do you want your teacher to understand, and how can we begin to have that conversation?”
The goal is not to handle everything alone. It is to develop confidence in participating in their own education, with parents as partners throughout the journey.
5. Check in on belonging—not only performance.
Grades matter. So do relationships, emotional well-being, and feeling fully seen.
Ask where your scholar feels connected, which adults they trust, and whether there are spaces where they feel they must shrink themselves to fit in. Our youngest scholars may communicate these feelings through play, drawings, or stories.
Ask: “Where did you feel most like yourself this week?”
Decide together whether to encourage, advocate, or have a conversation with the school.
A quick monthly check-in
Set aside 15 minutes and ask:
Confidence: What am I getting better at?
Pride: What part of myself did I bring into school?
Belonging: Where do I feel connected?
Discernment: What deserves more of my energy—and what might I release?
Younger scholars can draw, point, or tell a story instead of answering abstract questions. The goal is not perfect answers. It is a habit of reflection and trust.
The work belongs to schools, too.
Families play an important role, but belonging cannot rest solely on students and parents. We celebrate the independent schools examining how their missions are experienced through curriculum, relationships, leadership, and everyday school culture.
Strong parent-school partnerships help create communities where scholars can thrive without compromising who they are.
Your scholar does not have to choose between excellence and identity.
At RIISE, we support families navigating independent school culture with confidence, strategy, and a commitment to belonging.
Ready to build stronger parent-school partnerships? Explore our THINKER experience.
In community,
Gina Parker Collins
Founder, RIISE | Indy School OG